Worlds Apart
by PaperInked
Summary: Sometimes the best stories are the ones that happen in everyday life. Sometimes the worst pain happens to oneself. And sometimes, miracles do happen. TatsuhaxRyuichi, ShuichixYuki
1. Ordinary Day

**Ordinary Day**

_Just a day,  
just an ordinary day,  
just trying to get by._

-

The day it all began was like any other day.

I remember the weather then was cold.

And the sky was coloured gray.

It all started about two months ago. It was still early in the month, so it wasn't snowing.

At least, not yet.

**-- **

"Please, Shuichi!" Tatsuha begged as he followed Bad Luck's vocalist around his brother's apartment on his knees. "Ask him for me, I'm begging you!"

Shuichi looked up from his lyrics and gave the boy an amused glance.

"For the five hundred and fifty-seventh time, Tatsuha, I will!" he answered, laughing; something few people could continue doing after endless begging and countless repeats of a question.

Yuki came into the room.

"Will you two shut up already?" he asked, his eyes narrowed in barely-concealed anger. "You're giving me a bloody headache."

"Oh, but Yuki, look at Tatsuha!" Shuichi said hugging his lover tightly. "He's so obsessed it's cute!"

"About as cute as an editor who wants me to get work done before my deadline." Yuki said, swapping the boy with his free hand.

As Shuichi tilted his head to one side, trying to see if Tatsuha looked any more like Yuki's description from a different angle, the older man unlatched himself from the boy.

"When are you to freeloaders going to get a life?"

"Aww, Yuki. You didn't mean that." Shuichi purred.

Yuki shook his head, as though thinking 'why the hell do I put up with you guys?' before heading back to his room.

Shuichi made a great leap for the writer but he had already closed the door behind him and locked it. Not that locked doors would ever stop him. He normally went right through it.

"Yukiiiiiiiiii!"

**--**

Sakuma Ryuichi ducked past a crowd of fans as he made his way to his car. Why in the world the taxi have to wait for him amidst the crowd, Ryuichi had no idea.

He plastered a fake smile onto his face. If they were going to take close-ups of him, he should at least look good.

"Um, Tohma, it's pretty noisy over here. I can't hear you." Ryuichi said, cupping his hands around the cell phone so he could hear better.

_Stupid headache_. He thought rubbing his head. _Man, where was K when you needed him? Well, of course, K wasn't Ryuichi's manager anymore, but he could still help. Right?_

And the headaches really weren't helping at all. He strained his ears to hear Tohma's voice as he ignored the sounds and people around him.

"Are you serious, Tohma? We're getting-ah!" Ryuichi fell as he got pushed by some random fan girl onto a boy.

_Aah._

"Are you alright? I'm so sorry!" Ryuichi exclaimed, climbing to his feet before helping the boy up.

_Remind me never to perform without Tohma or Noriko ever again._ He mentally told himself.

The boy just looked at him with wide eyes, not saying anything. Perhaps he was a diehard fan. Well, if Ryuichi's idol fell onto him he'd definitely be struck dumb. Not that Ryuichi could think of an idol.

Ryuichi waved at the boy and finally climbed into the car and closed the door behind him. He gave the taxi driver the name of the hotel and made himself comfortable in the passenger's seat.

Suddenly he froze.

_Hadn't he been talking to Tohma mere seconds ago?_

Ryuichi inspected his hands closely, as though the phone might have had vanished underneath the skin.

Then Ryuichi shrugged nonchalantly. The phone had only been a couple of days old. Besides, he never considered cell phones to be an essential part of his life anyway.

But then again, that had been the third phone he'd lost that week. Noriko wouldn't be too pleased.

Oh well.

**-- **

Tatsuha was in his heaven.

"Did you see that? Sakuma-san sat on me for five whole seconds!" he yelled. "And he was really amazing tonight even without Tohma and Noriko!"

"Did you ask him? What did he say?"

"He said that if you could wait two weeks from now he might-" Shuichi began, but was cut off by Tatsuha's victory cries.

"Yippee!" Tatsuha flung himself to the front seat where Shuichi was and squeezed him so tightly the boy started to turn blue. "Tat-s-su-ha-"

Due to the amount of noise the two boys were making, Yuki missed the news traffic report. A second too late, he realized that the road was almost completely ice. The writer's eyes widened in surprise; his hand reached over and grabbed his lover's arm so that he wouldn't hit his head against the windscreen.

So, one moment, Shuichi was yelling at Tatsuha to stop, and the next he was looking in horror as their car swerved off the road. Then, he had another moment to thank God he had paid his insurance, and pray that everything would go well. Then everything went black.

In the terrifying silence that followed, if they were conscious they surely would have heard the announcement that crackled out from the still intact radio.

"To repeat, if you are on the way home from Sakuma Ryuichi's concert, do NOT take the low road. It is very dangerous and……."

The first snow that Christmas was stained red.

**-**

* * *

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Review please! 


	2. Hemorrhage

**Hemorrhage**

_What did you expect to find?  
Was it something you left behind?  
Don't you remember?  
Everything I said when I said  
Don't fall away  
And leave me to myself_

-

Lucky for me, I got tossed out of the car.

I remember lying on the snowy ground.

I remember watching the snow fall.

I remember thinking about who I'd miss if I died.

I remember wondering why the snow was red…..

--

Ouch. That hurt.

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, are you alright?" someone was tugging at his arm.

Yuki pulled away. He didn't recognize the voice.

He sat up and opened his eyes slowly.

A boy with pink hair had his face very close to Yuki's own.

Yuki didn't like it.

He looked around. It was a hospital, no doubt. The smell of medicine and the painfully white surroundings made it even more obvious.

_But what on earth was he doing in a hospital?_

"Yuki?"

_And who's Yuki?_

The same boy was now staring at him with a confused look on his face.

Feeling nervous, Yuki turned to look at the people beside him. His eyes lit up when he saw a familiar face.

"Tohma!"

The blond looked awfully surprised. He walked up to Yuki's bed.

"Do you want a moment alone with Shindou?"

"A moment alone with who?"

The pink haired boy stuck his face in between them. "Hey, come on, Yuki. That's not funny. You almost got me there."

"Who's Yuki?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.

"Not funny, Yuki!" the boy practically yelled.

Another boy with red hair raised his eyebrow. "Since when did he become a practical joker?"

Yuki looked back and forth between the two nervously. "Tohma…..who are these people?" he asked, tugging at the man's coat sleeve.

Tohma looked worried.

"Do you remember the car accident, Eiri?"

"What car accident? Is everyone okay? Where's Tatsuha?"

Tohma didn't answer the question. He kept his eyes trained on Yuki, thinking hard. They all heard running down the corridor and the door was flung open.

"I'm so sorry, aniki, it's my entire fault!" a black haired boy said breathlessly. "I'll pay for the car repairs and everything, just don't be mad!"

Mika stood at the doorway looking at him.

"Tatsuha." The youngest Uesugi looked up in surprise at the gentle tone of his brother's voice.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

Wrapped in his older brother's loving embrace, Tatsuha didn't know what to think. But he hugged his brother back, knowing that it would be some time before he woke up from the dream.

--

"I think it's safe to say you have a slight concussion." The doctor said.

"Um, doctor, does he really have amnesia?"

"Well, he doesn't seem to remember you, Mr. Shindou……" the doctor said, studying the novelist closely.

Yuki blinked.

"How am I supposed to remember you? I don't even know you!"

"Mr. Uesugi, do you remember your name?"

"Yes."

"But you remember your brother and sister. And Mr. Seguchi."

"Yes."

"But you don't remember Mr. Shindou or Mr. Nakano?"

"No."

The doctor frowned thoughtfully. "Well, what do you remember?"

Yuki thought about it. "Tohma was taking me to New York." he replied.

Mika gasped in surprise. "Doctor, that was almost seven years ago!"

He shook his head. "I'm afraid it does seem like he's got amnesia. But don't worry. Most people who get amnesia regain their memories, eventually."

"But how long will that take?" Shuichi asked.

The doctor shrugged. "Who knows? It could take days, weeks, months or maybe even years."

"Why don't you all get some rest? Tomorrow you can fill in on Mr. Uesugi here on what he needs to know."

Shuichi turned to leave.

"Um….Mr. Shindou?"

He stopped. Yuki was looking at him apprehensively.

"I'm supposed to know you, right?"

Shuichi nodded.

"So…..were we, like, friends?"

That single word broke the vocalist's heart. _Friends……_

Then, noticing the puzzled look on Yuki's face, he brushed away the tear from his eye and smiled.

"Of course. Goodnight, Yu-Eiri."

-

* * *

I can't believe I got so many reviews! Okay, maybe for some of you it really isn't a lot, but I just can't believe it! Any questions, comments or anything just review! Thank you! 

Oh right. The disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. Okay, bye! xoxox


	3. Witness

**Witness**

_Now lesson number one in homicide  
Is emotional murder's no crime  
When you're gone you won't be missed  
Keep one eye open when you kiss…_

-

An open and loving Eiri Uesugi.

A respectful little brother,

A wonderful big brother,

A perfect fiancé,

But a terrible lover.

--

Tatsuha sat in the hospital's lobby, staring blankly ahead of him.

He checked his watch.

One hour had passed since the concert. He couldn't believe it.

In one hour, so much had happened.

But what was this feeling inside of him-? It wasn't worry, his aniki was fine. Guilt? He felt guilt, but it wasn't this. Sorrow- because Shuichi looked so heartbroken? Anger? Relief?

He jumped at the sound of a phone ringing.

It was midnight.

Weren't all phones supposed to be put on silent in a hospital at midnight? Which inconsiderate ape owned that phone?

Whoever it was wasn't picking up.

The ring tone was a slow song, a foreign ballad.

Tatsuha blinked. The people in the lobby were all staring at him.

He looked at them.

"Um, excuse me, I think it's your phone that's ringing." A young woman said to him. "Please answer it."

His phone? Whatever gave the people that idea?

Tatsuha dug into his bag and pulled out his phone just to prove to the people it wasn't his.

But his phone WAS ringing.

He stared at it in amazement.

"Answer it!" an old man snapped.

Tatsuha quickly pressed the answer button. "Moshi moshi?"

The people in the lobby were muttering and glaring at him. Tatsuha quickly left through the doors and went out into the garden, where he sat on the cold marble steps.

"Hello?" he repeated.

"Um, may I ask if you are using your phone?"

"Exactly what kind of question is that?"

"I mean to say, are you using a phone that is yours?"

"Is this a prank call? I have really no time for this." Tatsuha asked, his face darkening visibly.

"No, I really-"

But Tatsuha had already closed the phone, his weariness making him ruder than usual.

Seriously, what was that boy playing at? Of course it was his phone. Okay, so maybe the ring tone was different, but it was the same brand, the same colour.

Maybe the phone was malfunctioning. With the wrong ring tone and all.

He picked up his bag and headed out of the hospital.

He needed to sleep.

Sleep and everything would be better in the morning.

Not to say that things were bad, at least, not for him. His brother was okay and loved him, things were great.

Too bad Shuichi wouldn't agree.

He shook his head.

Just then, his phone rang again.

_Now **that's** my ring tone._ He thought, answering it.

"Tatsuha Uesugi just where exactly are you?" an extremely pissed female voice yelled.

"Yui? What's wrong?"

"Don't you 'what's wrong' me! We had a date! I showed up at the party looking like a complete idiot!"

Oh right. Tatsuha had a date that night with Yui, a girl he kept for her loud voice and bossy ways. All girls were different, and Tatsuha wanted a taste of them all.

"I'm in the hospital, baby. I got into a car accident." He explained. _Now what kind of sweetheart would still be mad after a reason like that?_

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. But listen, I'm kinda tired now, can we talk tomorrow?" he asked.

"Oh. Okay." She said, sounding disappointed. But of course she was. She probably wanted to talk about the accident, make him beg for forgiveness, forgive him, then make out.

Girls.

"Bye, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too."

Tatsuha hung up and tried putting the phone back into his pocket, but it wouldn't fit. Something else was already in there.

He dug his hand and pulled out another phone.

All of a sudden, the boy's words from earlier sprung into his mind.

"_Are you using a phone that is yours?"_

Tatsuha groaned and opened it. Inside were a sticker and the words 'property of Ryu-chan'.

He dialed the last caller and waited for him to pick up.

"Okay, hotshot, you have exactly five minutes to explain yourself before I hang up on you."

--

Yuki sat up in bed.

He was not sleepy, who would be at three in the afternoon?

He was reading a few novels that his sister claimed to be written by him. Funnily enough, they were all written by a certain Yuki Eiri.

Seriously, who was this guy?

Okay, so maybe nee-san had already said it was him.

But, still-

He sighed and put down the book, trying to remember something, anything at all.

He hadn't seen the boy with pink hair again after the first night.

Three days had passed. Tomorrow, he would finally be allowed to leave the hospital.

He would be able to meet other people he was supposed to know.

That would be fun.

Suddenly, a knock on the door brought him back to his senses.

A pretty girl with brown hair came into the room.

She put a bouquet of fresh flowers on the vase and then looked at him.

"Eiri-san? I don't suppose you remember me."

He tried to remember, but after a moment of thought shook his head.

"I'm Ayaka. I'm-"

The name flashed in his mind. He could remember her. She was someone important, yes, he knew that.

"You're my fiancé." He said suddenly.

From the look on her face, he could tell that he was right. He didn't remember anything else about her, but he'd be able to find out.

He looked at her surprised face and thought about it for a moment._ I'm 22 years old and she's my fiancé. So why shouldn't I?_

Yuki smiled and pulled her towards him, kissing her passionately on her lips.

Just then, the door burst open and the pink-haired boy appeared.

Shindou Shuichi.

-

* * *

Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate them! So, what do you think? Just press that small button on the bottom left corner of the screen. Yes, that's it. I don't own Gravitation. Well, bye for now! xoxox Thanks. 


	4. Illusions

**Illusions**

_There's more in this world than we see,  
Just leave these illusions behind and run with me.  
If all of the things that you thought you would be,  
Pass you by. Pass you by._

-

Back then I didn't know a thing.

How was I supposed to?

I wasn't there.

I heard it from my brother that night.

Already I knew it was going to be a long week.

--

Shuichi watched on with a mixture of astonishment and confusion.

_Yuki was kissing Ayaka……_

"Yuki, you bastard!"he screamed.

_Yuki……_

Shuichi ran out the door, half-blinded by tears, not knowing where he was headed and not caring. It hurt far too much to care about something as trivial as a destination, so long as it was far from there. Besides, at this point, anywhere was better than there.

_How could this have happened?_

"Just when I was getting through to him too….." Shuichi whispered, covering his face with his hands.

Yuki looked up in surprise, worry creeping into his face.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Ayaka looked at him apologetically, embarrassed, even.

"I should have explained it before. Even if I'm your fiancé, that boy, Shuichi- he's your lover."

--

"He's my what!" Yuki asked in astonishment.

"Your lover. You know, boyfriend."

"I don't need a boyfriend! I'm a boy!" he said. "Besides, I'm not-gay."

Ayaka just looked at him with sorrowful eyes. "Well, gay or not, you were his lover and you just broke the poor boy's heart."

"I was…..what?"

"I shouldn't have done that. I really shouldn't have let you kiss me." Ayaka looked extremely worried.

"Ayaka-chan, if you are my fiancé, then why are you sticking up for that Shi-shu-what's his name?"

"Shuichi." The girl answered plainly. "Shindo Shuichi."

"Why do you want us to be together?' Yuki asked.

Ayaka arranged the flowers in their vase. "All I want is for you to be happy, Eiri."

"But I am, with _you_."

"What you think and what you feel….are two completely different things." She said quietly, turning to leave the room.

"Ayaka…." He reached out to grab her arm but she moved out of reach.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Eiri." She whispered, before hurrying out of the room. But noise that Yuki heard just as the door close was the unmistakable sound of a choked sob.

--

People screamed and cars honked at him as he ran across the road, but Shuichi paid them no heed.

He ran, large drops of tears running down the sides of his face, threatening to overcome his vision. Finally, he collapsed in a darkened alley, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.

He hugged his knees to his chest.

Remembering Yuki…..

Remembering his touch, his rare smile……

Remembering everything about him, how perfect he was in every single way….

Something was pushing against his leg, bringing his awareness to the present again. He looked down. A small white kitten was nudging him with the side of his head.

"How pretty you are…" he said, picking the kitten up. "White…like the snow. _Yuki_."

"_How everything reminds me of you……_" Shuichi muttered vaguely, fondling the kitten's ears.

Funnily enough, he felt nothing.

All his tears were spent and he was tired. To tired to feel anything at all.

He let go of the kitten and it slid off his lap easily.

It left the alley without a backward glance.

_So you too have decided to leave me... _

_ Yuki?_

_I miss you already. _

-

* * *

I don't own Gravitation. Sorry for the long wait! All my stories are going really slowly, writer's block, I guess. I've got some many things to sort out. Tatsuha and Ryuichi will be in the next chapter, I promise! 

Help? Review please! Thank you!


	5. Soon

**Soon**

_Stay if you want and hide  
Stay cause it's cold outside  
You'll tell me this place is safe  
And tell me you still have faith  
The melody that sounds so cruel, so mean  
Will turn into a playful tune and set you free_

-

I can't believe Yuki kissed Ayaka!

He doesn't even know her!

Okay, fine, maybe I'm worse than he is.

But I'm the spoilt younger brother.

Of course I have a dysfunctional personality.

--

"Shuichi, Shuichi, wake up."

Shuichi was awakened by someone gently shaking him. He groaned. His whole body ached and his throat felt dry and itchy.

"I'm not feeling well, Hiro, I think I'll sleep in today."

"You'd better not, Shuichi. I'll never be able to move you any further than I already have." The voice said, clearly amused.

All of a sudden he didn't sound so much like Hiro any more. Shuichi opened his eyes wearily. It was dark and in the faint light glaring above him he could see the faint outline of none other than Ryuichi Sakuma.

"Ryu….ichi? What are you doing here?" he mumbled, trying to recollect the past incidents.

"I would ask you the same question."

_Oh, right. Yuki and Ayaka._

He cursed and then started to cry again, softly this time.

"Shh…..Shuichi, don't cry. It's alright. I'll take you home."

"No, not to Yuki's house..." he managed to say through tears as Ryuichi tried to pull him to his feet.

Apparently Shuichi wasn't the only one who had a tiring night. Ryuichi did not ask why and merely nodded. "I'll take you to my hotel, okay? Come on, Shuichi, please stand."

Assured, Shuichi stood up, leaning on Ryuichi as he was barely conscious.

How they made it back that night only Ryuichi knew, as it was only up till there did Shuichi remember.

The next thing he remembered, however, was waking up in Ryuichi's bed.

--

Shuichi opened his eyes. The bed was comfortable and warm. He didn't ever feel like leaving. The bed was his only friend in the world.

He lay in bed staring at the off-white hotel ceiling. Finally, he sat up and looked around. The bed was big, but he was the only one there. _Then where was Ryuichi?_

He got out of bed and put on the soft bedroom slippers at the bottom of the bed. He had always liked bedroom slippers. He opened the heavy curtains slightly and watched the active city below him for a moment before turning to go into the living room.

Ryuichi was fast asleep on the sofa, his brown hair tumbling over his face. Kumagoro had unceremoniously been tossed onto the floor due to the lack of space on the sofa.

Shuichi smiled and picked up the stuffed animal.

He was about to go back to the room when Ryuichi awoke.

"Shu-chan? I…..what…..oh." he blinked slowly, then threw himself onto Shuichi. "Are you okay? You scared me, Shu-chan! Why were you crying? I thought someone died!"

Shuichi had to laugh at Ryuichi's words.

"Iie, Ryu-chan. It's just that Yuki…."

"What is it? Is he making you sad again?"

"Well, I don't know if you've heard from Tohma-kun but Yuki is in the hospital. He's alright, but he's got amnesia. It means he's forgotten everything since seven years ago, even me." He explained, seeing the confused look on the older singer's face.

"That's bad!"

"And that's only the beginning…."

Shuichi told Ryuichi the story, without crying, because deep down Shuichi was NOT a crybaby. Yes, he wasn't.

Ryuichi listened patiently and Shuichi was grateful to him.

"That means Shu-chan will be staying here for awhile, right?" he asked, after digesting the information. "I can go to Yuki's house and get your things for you, just in case you're not up to it."

"Thanks, Ryuichi."

Ryuichi was about to rush out the door when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. "Okay, I think I'd better think I shower first." He said laughing at his reflection.

He went into the bathroom, nearly slipping on the floor as he did so. Shuichi heard he talking to himself cheerfully in the shower. After awhile, the sound of water stopped. "Shuichi, did you see my shampoo?" he called out suddenly.

"Nope." Then Shuichi remembered something. He dug into his pocket and passed Ryuichi a bottle of shampoo through the crack beneath the door.

"Do I want to know why you are carrying a bottle of shampoo around with you?" Ryuichi's voice asked.

"Probably not." Shuichi replied. "It's a long story anyway."

He heard Ryuichi laugh and for awhile there was only the sound of water being sprayed everywhere. Shuichi sat down on the sofa and waited for Ryuichi to come out.

After a moment, Ryuichi opened the door, a towel hanging around his shoulders. His blond hair looked oddly bleached.

_Wait a minute, blond? _

"Shuichi, do I want to know why you are carrying a bottle of **_hair dye_** around with you around with you?" he asked, rephrasing his earlier question.

"Probably not." Shuichi replied.

--

* * *

Hehe….a blond Ryuichi. Don't worry. He's even cuter than ever. So, how did you like this chapter? It's not much, considering I should be asleep, but hey, there are lots of things I should be doing. 

Please review……a sleepy Lily is not a happy one. Review please, I'll give you a cookie! No, make that two cookies! I'll give you my autograph! And my tv! Do you want my tv?

I don't own Gravi. Reviews are much appreciated, thanks for reading!


	6. Forgotten

**Forgotten**

_A little piece of paper with a picture drawn  
Floats on down the street till the wind is gone  
The memory now is like the picture was then  
When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again_

-

This is starting to become serious.

Shuichi moved out.

He went to live with that weird friend of his.

And I still have an unsettled date with Ryuichi Sakuma.

I can't believe I'm thinking about something like that at a time like this.

--

Tatsuha vacuumed the floor, back and forth. He was alone in Yuki's apartment and he was bored.

He pulled an old slipper out from under the couch as the doorbell rang.

Tatsuha was never gladder to answer the door. He needed company.

A blond haired young man was standing at the door, looking around with interest. He looked up as Tatsuha opened the door.

"Hey there, mister. I'm here to pick up Shuichi's things." He said, peering into the living room. "Can I come in?"

"Sure. Is Shuichi living with you?" Tatsuha asked, leading the man to Shuichi's things.

"Yeah. He's pretty messed up about that Yuki incident so he's probably not coming back for awhile." He replied, picking up the things and putting them in a bag.

"How do I know you're not a thief?"

"Okay, Mister-?"

"Tatsuha."

"Trust me, Mister Tatsuha, if I was a thief I'd be gone. Besides, no offence to Shuichi, but no one, I repeat, no one, would want to steal his things." He was looking at the tasteless items with a smile.

"Point taken."

"Hey, do I know you?" he asked, feeling that the young man seemed kind of familiar.

"Probably not." He said looking around for something he had forgotten.

"Hey, wait- that's mine!" he said, suddenly pointing at the cell phone on the coffee table.

"What? This?" Tatsuha picked up the phone and handed it to the boy. "I found it at Ryuichi Sakuma's concert. You were there too?"

"Never miss them." He said proudly, starting to sing the first few lines of 'Sleepless Beauty'.

"Not bad." Tatsuha said.

"Thanks, mister. See you soon, maybe."

"Yeah." Tatsuha said, closing the door.

_Shuichi sure had cute friends._

--

"Ryuichi! Back so soon?"

"Yeah. I got kinda lost along the way though." Ryuichi plunked Shuichi's things down on the table. "Yuki has a nice house."

Shuichi nodded mutely.

He had been with Ryuichi for only a few hours, but already he knew that there was more than just two personalities in Ryuichi's character. First there was the childish Ryuichi, then there was the sexy man Ryuichi.

But before him was a typical teenage boy, his hands in his pockets, not a care in the world. Ryuchi looked up, an ice-lolly in his mouth. With his blond hair, Ryuichi looked different. Way different.

"Shuichi? Why are you staring at me?"

Shuichi blinked and then he smiled.

"You look different."

"Well duh. I just got my hair dyed blond."

"It's not bad, Ryuichi. You look younger."

"Shuichi- I don't think I really need to look any younger from what I did."

"Sexier."

"Really?"

"You look like Yuki." Shuichi choked, his eyes filling with tears at the realization. He covered his face in the nearest pillow, muffling sobs.

"Shuichi, you-" but whatever Ryuichi had to say was promptly drowned out by the ring of the doorbell.

"Wait a sec, Shuichi." He left the room and went to open the door. Shuichi heard Ryuichi gasp then his voice lowered.

Shuichi wiped his eyes on his sleeve and went out to see who it was.

"Ryu-"

_Oh, shit. Yuki?_

Yuki was standing in the doorway, looking at Shuichi.

He cleared his throat.

"Uh, Shuichi, hi. I was wondering, well, since I forgotten you and um… I thought, well see- would you like to go out with me?"

Shuichi's heart skipped a beat and Ryuichi dropped the glass of water he had brought out.

"I mean, as friends, of course."

Shuichi didn't trust himself to speak.

He nodded and went to join Yuki at the door. "See you later, Ryuichi." He whispered to the now blond boy.

"Be safe, Shu-chan." Ryuichi replied.

The door closed and Shuichi was left standing alone in the corridor with Yuki.

And he had no idea what to do next.

-

* * *

That was- unexpected. This is really a messed up chapter. Talk about a crazy storyline, this is just getting weird. Hope you liked it! Please review! Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter! Ciaoz! Love you guys! xoxox 


	7. Echo Park

**Echo Park**

_Here I lie watching the cars on the highway  
You're one of those lights that's driving away  
I'm standing in the dark wondering where you are  
I'm leaving my heart here in Echo Park.  
_

-

Eiri is starting to scare me.

He's friendly AND is interested in my welfare.

I don't know if I want him to stay this way.

Okay, so fine, maybe it isn't that bad.

But what about Shuichi, then?

-

Shuichi walked beside Yuki, listening to the blond talk animatedly.

Yuki had brought him to an amusement park, and the two of them were taking a break from exhilarating roller coasters. Shuichi licked his ice cream and tilted his head to the side to look at Yuki.

He could barely believe that just a few weeks ago their positions had been reversed: Yuki the quiet, 'shy' one; him doing all the talking.

"It's really weird, you know, I mean, it's hard to believe isn't it, Shuichi? Can I call you Shuichi?" Yuki asked, pausing to smile at the boy.

Shuichi had to laugh at Yuki's abrupt change in character.

"Yes, of course." He said.

"Hey, it's Tatsuha!" Shuichi cried, pointing at the boy, who was leaning over the rail of the bridge looking down at the couples riding out of the tunnel of love. He was talking to another boy, most likely a friend of his.

Yuki chuckled. "Let's not bother him. By the way, do you know if he has a girlfriend yet? A serious one, I mean. I know us Uesugis are sluts by nature." he said jokingly.

Shuichi was reminded of his problems by Yuki's innocent question.

"I don't really know…from what I've heard he's been going at them weekly…." He answered.

Yuki's eyes widened. "He's that bad, is he?"

Shuichi shrugged, cramming the remainder of his ice cream into his mouth.

"Come on, Eiri, let's go ride something else." He said, grabbing the writer's sleeve. He didn't want to have to deal with the fact that he was Yuki's friend, and only that.

He didn't know if he would be able to heal.

--

"Ryu, was it?" Tatsuha asked, turning back to look at the blond boy.

"Yep." Ryuichi replied cheerfully. His fingers formed a gun and he pretended to snipe at the people below them.

"Are you and Shuichi like classmates or something?" he asked.

Ryuichi laughed. "Me? No way. I'm a singer."

Tatsuha raised an eyebrow. 'Oh really? Then how come I've never heard of you?"

"I don't know…I thought I was pretty popular." Ryuichi said, faking a thoughtful look.

Tatsuha punched him in the arm playfully.

"Hey, you wanna go do something?" he asked, gesturing towards the rides.

"Sure. What do you want to do?" Ryuichi asked, following Tatsuha.

"I don't know…anything but the Ferris Wheel. I hate that thing. It scares the skin outta me." He said shuddering.

"What? The height? Aren't roller coasters just as bad?" Ryuichi asked, looking up at the little children on the ride.

"I guess roller coasters are so fast I don't really have time to feel scared, huh?" Tatsuha said.

Ryuichi looked around for the largest and most terrifying ride.

"Okay, so how about that one?"

Tatsuha studied it for a minute.

"I like the way you think." He yelled, before racing Ryuichi to the ride.

--

The day was quietly slipping into night, one by one the people left the amusement park.

Shuichi sat on a bench beside Yuki, under the glow of a flickering street light.

"Shuichi, you know….I've been thinking….about, you know…us." Yuki said quietly. He looked Shuichi in the eyes.

Shuichi looked away, the excitement of the day quickly dying away.

He had been content with just spending a day with Yuki; he didn't want it to end. Not yet.

He didn't speak, so Yuki continued in his soft tone.

"I know you and I used to be something. Everyone knows it, I don't remember it, and now I –I can't feel anything for you anymore." Yuki said. "You know that, don't you?"

Shuichi nodded, bowing his head. His skin and throat prickled and his knew that hot tears had gathered in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Yuki reached over and grabbed his arm. The feel of Yuki's touch made it hurt more than ever. "Shuichi? Look at me, please."

Slowly, he willed himself to turn and face the man he loved, even knowing that Yuki didn't love him back. His eyes met Yuki's and a single tear slid down his cheek.

"I was thinking, and you might hate me for this, but- Shuichi, do you want to kiss me?"

Shuichi didn't speak at first, scanning Yuki disbelievingly. Then he spoke: "You…you s-sure?" he asked, his voice quivering.

"It's alright. I owe you this much at least, this time it's goodbye."

Shuichi closed his eyes, savoring the kiss. The same warm lump in his throat felt like it wouldn't go away, and finally the two of them broke apart.

Shuichi looked down, tears sliding down his face. He wiped them away, fighting back the irresistible urge to scream and cry.

"Come on, Shuichi. I'll walk you back."

"N-no…it's okay. Thanks for today, Yuki. I had a great time." He said.

"Goodbye, Shuichi."

He heard the hesitation in Yuki's voice, then his footsteps walked off and slowly died away.

"Goodbye, Yuki." He whispered, finally raising his head.

And then the tears poured like rain.

-

* * *

Finally, an update! Yay! –looks around and sees no one- Hey, where did everyone go? Guys, I'm back! Cookie?

This has become like a ShuichiYuki fic more that TatsuRyu…..cripes. Don't worry though, all I need to do is work out a conflict and it'll become a full scale TR.

Review, please! Thanks for all the reading and for the reviews, people! I love you guys!


	8. All About You

**All About You**

_Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew  
So I told you with a smile, it's all about you  
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too  
Said you'd make my life worthwhile, it's all about you_

-

Aniki kissed Shuichi.

It's a funny, twisted world.

Anyway, you'd never believe what I found out today.

But I still like him.

I really do.

-

Shuichi never found out how he made it back that night. The whole journey was a daze; and the whole time he had only been preoccupied with his uncharacteristically heavy thoughts. He let himself into Ryuichi's suite by himself. He assumed the singer was asleep, as it was way past midnight.

However, he clearly didn't know Ryuichi all that well.

The whole suite was dark. Ryuichi sat in front of the television, the sound muted. He wasn't, however, watching, his face was buried in his hands. A glass of water sat on the table, half empty.

Perhaps it was the fact that his brain wasn't functioning very properly at the time (not like it ever really did, anyway), but somehow the first thought that came to Shuichi's mind was that Ryuichi had tried to commit suicide.

"Ryuichi!!" he wailed, anguished.

The presumed 'dead' prodigy looked up, startled. Shuichi screamed and fell over backwards.

"Wh-what?" Ryuichi asked, leaping to his feet. "Shuichi-what are you doing?"

He flicked on the lights and turned to look at the pale singer, who was still sitting on the floor, breathing heavily.

"I thought you had come back from the dead!" Shuichi gasped, pointing at him.

"What?" Ryuichi raised his eyebrows and picked Shuichi up from the floor.

"I don't know- I saw the glass and I saw you sitting there in the dark-" he tried to explain.

Ryuichi lifted the glass and downed the rest of the water in one go. "Baka Shuichi. I was just resting." He glanced up at Shuichi curiously.

"So, how did it go?" he asked.

"How did what go?" Shuichi asked, his words sounding stiff.

"The date with Yuki." Ryuichi clarified, wondering if he was faking the ignorance.

Shuichi remained still for a moment, and Ryuichi realized that the young singer had known what he was asking about from the very start, but buying himself time while he thought carefully how to answer.

He glanced up at Shuichi again and eyed him silently for a long moment. Shuichi's young face was desolate, yet a part of it seemed to linger in his own Utopia, preserving a sense of optimism that Shuichi always seemed to carry.

"I kissed him." Shuichi said, a genuine smile lighting up his features for a moment. He was tired of crying, tired of feeling so freakin' useless.

Ryuichi stared at him for long seconds, unsure of how to react to his answer. It wasn't what he'd expected, although he had no idea what he'd expected to hear in the first place anyway.

"It was kinda good." Shuichi added shrugging his shoulders, before disappearing into his room.

His soft, hollow laughter could be heard all the way from inside.

Ryuichi blinked slowly, sinking back into his previous position. A few minutes later, he stood slowly, still holding the glass in one hand. He used his other hand to pick up a box of pills that had been covered by a pillow.

Shuichi, nestled comfortably under the covers of their double bed, saw nothing.

--

"Shuichi, I'm surprised you're out so soon." Hiro commented leaning against a rack of winter clothing as Shuichi tried on a green jacket which clashed horribly with his bubblegum-pink hair.

"I wasn't in rehab or anything, you know, Hiro." Shuichi said, giving his friend a sideward glance.

Tumbling clumsily over a pile of scarves, Shuichi failed to notice Yuki and Ayaka enter the shop. Hiro, however, straightened up and quickly covered Shuichi's head with another scarf.

"Okay, this was it, right?" Yuki asked, pointing at a light purple jacket. Ayaka nodded, taking it off the shelf.

Yuki took it the counter. A young, curly-haired woman smiled at them from behind the cash register. The nametag on her blouse read Kate.

"Is there going to be another marriage this spring?" she asked them with a smile.

"Maybe." Yuki answered seriously, giving her his credit card.

Ayaka giggled.

"Well, Merry Christmas, dears. All the best with your relationship, although it seems to be going very well to me." She said, handing the jacket to Ayaka, who put it on immediately.

By that time, Shuichi was already up and looking at them, his expression hardening.

Hiro looked at his friend, worried.

_But Ayaka, too- _he thought, looking at the pretty girl he had been dating until just a few weeks ago. Hiro shook his head. It was vain hope.

Too many things had already changed, for the worse, and at the moment everything was still shifting silently like the sands in the desert. He looked down at his hand, which clutched a small flower-print scarf tightly, making the flowers seem crushed and broken.

He put it back onto the pile of scarves, and immediately the fabric smoothed out and the flowers returned to normal. Hiro sighed softly to himself. _If only everything was that easy. _

As they passed beneath the mistletoe hanging at the doorway, Yuki gave Ayaka a small kiss.

The cashier chuckled and went back to her work.

--

"You're joking."

"I'm not."

"But you can't be Ryuichi Sakuma! I have pictures of you- I mean, him, all over my wall and he looks like-!" Tatsuha stuttered.

"Sorry, Tatsuha. I mean, I thought you knew." Ryuichi said, getting up from the table. Tatsuha stood with him, reaching out to grab his arm.

"Oh God…..please tell me this is a dream." He muttered to himself.

Ryuichi frowned. "What's wrong with me being Ryuichi Sakuma? If you like him, and you like me…then this should be great shouldn't it?"

"Ryu…you don't understand. See, Ryuichi Sakuma is my idol. My unreachable goal. I never expected to get you, you know." Tatsuha said, shaking his head in confusion. "Geez..I can't think straight…"

Ryuichi took both Tatsuha's hands in his.

"Then don't." he whispered in his ear, before kissing him.

--

"Eiri?"

Yuki looked up. He had been sitting in his living room, alone, until Tohma came in.

'Yes, Tohma?"

"I know this probably isn't a good time, with everything you've got on your mind now, but-" He paused, his eyes on a picture of Yuki and Tatsuha as kids, framed and hung on the wall.

"Tatsuha has been seeing a friend of mine quite often recently. Now, I'm saying this because I don't want either of you to be hurt by anything that might happen in the future, but can you help me, to dissuade their seeing each other?"

Yuki's eyes were wide.

"Why? Because your friend's dangerous?"

Tohma's face was unreadable.

"Perhaps," he replied.

--

Night fell slowly outside the window, stealing in from the edges of the horizon, covering the last lingering inches of daylight with black.

Ryuichi and Tatsuha stood at the doorway. Tatsuha was leaving.

The boy glanced at Ryuichi so often it puzzled Ryuichi.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"What if today was all a dream? What if it all never happened at all?" Tatsuha asked, his gaze lingering in a distant place where Ryuichi couldn't see.

"It's not." Ryuichi assured him, brushing his fingers against Tatsuha's face.

"But what if it is?" Tatsuha repeated.

Ryuichi smiled faintly.

"Then we get to do it all again." He answered.

Tatsuha smiled. He checked his watch, then finally made to leave.

"Goodnight, Ryu."

Ryuichi found a pleasant warmth creeping throughout him as he watched Tatsuha walk off. He smiled.

"Goodnight, Tatsuha."

-

Ryuichi curled up on the sofa, his teeth clenched. The pain was back again.

Willing himself not to pass out, the singer tried turning around on the sofa. A bolt of pain shot through him like lightning.

He lifted a hand weakly, glancing at the silhouette of his hand against the light overhead. His cell phone rang on the table beside him.

He glanced at it. It was Shuichi.

Just let it ring, he told himself. He couldn't bring himself to answer, let alone move. But his mind argued, it was Shuichi, Shuichi would worry. He always would.

Grimacing, he grabbed the phone from the table. He tried to steady his shaking voice before answering.

"Shu-chan?"

"Helloo, Ryuichi! I'm on my way back now. I just left Hiro's house, so it'll probably take me another twenty minutes or so to get back. Don't bother waiting up, okay? I've got spare keys."

"Okay. Bye, Shu."

"Bye-bye!"

Ryuichi closed the phone and just let it fall to the carpeted floor. Shuichi's voice was always so spunky, even despite everything that was happening.

Twenty minutes.

Ryuichi forced himself to stand and made his way to the kitchen, taking a box of pills out from a drawer where Shuichi could not reach.

_The doctor said don't take too much. _

He took one and swallowed it in one gulp. He put his cup into the sink, not bothering to wash it. He'd deal with it all tomorrow.

Everything was so unreal.

He made his way to his bedroom and switched off the lights and lay down on his bed.

Gradually the pain subsided and he fell asleep.

Twenty minutes later, as promised, Shuichi entered. He took a glass of milk from the fridge and drank it slowly, watching the bright lights of the cars passing outside the window.

Watching so intently that he failed to notice the box of pills that Ryuichi had forgotten to return.

-

* * *

Done! Reviews please, dearies. I changed this chapter after ages. I took forever to try to think out something that would make my plan work. Those of you know who read it before editing know how impossible the whole TR thing is, so I did what a few of you suggested. Thanks! 

Happy 2007! Sorry for the long wait, I'll be able to update soon, hopefully!

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.


	9. Time of Your Life

**Time of Your Life**

_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

-

Do you know what?

I'm thinking about him all the time.

I've never doubted loving him before.

But now that it's all here, before me-

I'm starting to doubt everything. Even love.

-

"Does Bad Luck write sad songs about death and broken hearts?" Fujisaki asked, flipping through the stack of papers on the table. "I mean, does Shindo write songs about death and broken hearts? I've always thought he was either 'sunshine and daisies' or just in a slump."

Hiro snatched the first paper from the pianist and read it, his eyebrow getting higher ad higher with each line.

"What is this? Shuichi is starting to worry me. And he's still- hey wait, this sounds pretty good!" Hiro commented. He started singing along with the song and ignored Fujisaki completely.

"Hiro! We have a concert next week! Where is Shindo, anyway?" he asked, as loud as he could without sounding or looking stupid.

Hiro stopped abruptly.

"You know what? You're right, we do have a concert next week. And you know what else? Somehow, I'm not worried. I get the feeling our little friend is going to perform right BAM!" he said, a smile sweeping onto his face.

"That's stupid." Fujisaki said. "Are you on drugs?"

Hiro stopped singing for a moment to look offended, then continued, even giving himself his own very, very noisy guitar solo.

"What does he know anyway?" Fujisaki mumbled to himself. "He's just a stupid guitarist."

--

Yuki fingered the button of the remote control, not quite knowing if he wanted to change the channel.

A pile of books sat on the table in front of him, partly obstructing his vision. Yuki knocked them over so he could see better.

One of the books fell onto the floor before him.

Yuki sighed and picked it up, glancing at the cover.

Gravitation, it was called.

Yuki had reason to believe that it had been his favourite book. The pages were worn and some were even coming out. There was a photo in the book, laminated and made into a bookmark.

Yuki flipped open the book to glance at the photo. Him and Shuichi, with Shuichi's arm draped around his shoulder.

It was a pretty interesting book, to be honest. Yuki liked it, considering that it was based on his relationship with the pink haired boy.

Reading the book made Yuki feel bad, partly because he finally understood how much Shuichi cared for him, but he just couldn't remember liking the boy any more than a friend.

There was something he liked about the story; the whole idea of the gravitation pulling them together was horribly romantic.

"If only…" he began.

Then he paused, looking puzzled.

"If only…what?"

_What?_

--

Hiro tugged at his ponytail and made his way down the steps. He had just come back from visiting Shuichi, who seemed like a jumble of all emotions, although mostly just idiocy.

He passed the place where Shuichi and Yuki had first met. He knew it was, because Shuichi loved bringing him here.

He would drag Hiro all the way then say, "This is where I first met Yuki, isn't it pretty, Hiro?"

And Hiro would always laugh and say, "You think everything is pretty, Shuichi."

There was someone standing by the railings, looking down at the city below.

Hiro recognized her immediately. He made to call her name, but his voice got caught in his throat and he couldn't say anything.

But the sound of his footsteps had alerted her, and she looked back at him, surprise and sadness registering into her pretty face.

"Hiro-kun." Ayaka said quietly.

--

Tatsuha sat in his classroom, not paying attention to a word to what his teacher was saying.

He passed the message all the way back to the girl sitting two seats in front of him and she unfolded it, read it and smiled. She smiled at him then began to scribble onto the paper.

He looked up and saw their teacher slump into a chair. Apparently she had realized that it was useless to bother teaching at all.

She passed the note back.

He unfolded it quickly, and his eyes shot up.

_Do you love me?_ It read.

Tatsuha hesitated. He glanced at her and saw her leaning over the back of her chair to look at him.

He forced a smile and quickly bowed his head.

The girl sitting beside him, Kazuma-something, was watching him curiously. He'd be damned if she mentioned his hesitance to Yuri.

He took up his pen and began to write.

They had been together for almost two weeks already. He knew what he was supposed to reply, and what he needed to reply. But they were not one.

He folded the note back and handed it to the boy in front of him. His classmate nodded and passed it on. He knew where it was going.

He saw the exact second the note reached her and he knew it was too late. Too late to take back what he should never have said.

She opened it and instantly turned back in her seat to smile at him.

Tatsuha smiled back, remembering why he was dating her in the first place. She had a beautiful smile.

He felt warmth creeping through him and he smiled again.

The bell rang and the class was dismissed without homework. He stuffed the book he hadn't even opened back into his bag and hurried towards her.

The note they had been passing around was crumpled up and thrown basketball-style into the wastepaper bin.

Two words peeked out from the folds of the paper.

_Of course_, he had replied.

--

Ryuichi ran a hand through his slowly-dye-fading hair. He sang out the first few lines to himself, then erased them again.

Tohma had been trying to get Tatsuha away from him. Tohma had always been like that. Caring, interfering, annoying and yet lovable.

Ryuichi wasn't sure why. Tohma had tried to do it with Yuki and Shuichi too, but that hadn't worked.

He lifted Kumagoro from the floor, pinching an ear with his toes.

The bunny remained unfazed.

He put it onto the table and tried to focus on the song. Kumagoro looked at him with big eyes, then fell over on the table, which it usually never did, covering Ryuichi's handphone with it's tiny, cotton-filled body.

Ryuichi laughed.

"I'm not waiting for him to call, you silly little thing." he told the stuffed toy, picking it up and making their foreheads touch.

_Try making me believe that_, Kumagoro seemed to say. _Write something, Ryu. It's really important._

"I know." Ryuichi complained. "I'm just distracted."

Kumagoro fell over the handphone again triumphantly.

Ryuichi smiled faintly. "Fine."

He picked up the handphone and the bunny, and took them both to the bedroom. He placed them both on the bed.

"There." He said to the bunny. "Happy now? You can guard it and to sure I don't go near it."

The bunny's head drooped forward, but only slightly.

It was nodding.

Ryuichi headed back to the living room and sat down at the table.

He picked up a second piece of paper and started writing.

The night went on.

He erased and erased, and made holes in his paper.

--

"Hey, Aya-chan? Do you think things will ever go back to how they were before?" Hiro asked softly.

"I don't know, Hiro."

"Would that suit you?" he asked.

Ayaka brushed her hair from her face and looked up at the sky thoughtfully.

"I don't know, Hiro. Maybe." She answered finally. Then- "Would that suit you?"

"Yeah." Hiro replied. "Sure would."

"And if it doesn't? How does that make you feel?"

"I don't know, Aya. Alright, maybe." He said. A gentle breeze blew past them, blowing some of his hair into his face. He shook it away, then smiled at her.

"As long as you're happy."

-

* * *

Looks like Shuichi isn't the only one affected by this. What makes this so sad is that Ayaka said the same thing to Yuki in one of the earlier chapters. It's so beautiful to think that someone cares so much to make you happy! Feeling so dreamy now….

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Did you know my last chapter says 'Happy 2007!'? My God, it's been ages…


	10. What's Good

**What's Good**

_What good are these thoughts that I'm thinking_

_It must be better not to be thinking at all_

_You loved a life others throw away nightly_

_It's not fair, not fair at all_

-

Everyone makes mistakes.

But if you don't learn from them, what's the use?

What if you can't tell until it's too late?

I'm sorry.

I just have this really bad feeling…

--

Tatsuha dropped the folded note into the hand of the girl beside him carefully. The teachers had lately been extra wary, extra hardworking and extremely annoying. He didn't want them to catch him passing notes, especially since Yuri, too, had been acting weirdly the past few days. Sometimes she was overly affectionate and clingy, at other times she was cold.

But Tatsuha wasn't dumping her, no way, she was a rare treasure. She wasn't the kind of girl who simply dated guys, she was pretty but not showy, and he rarely got his hands on one of that kind.

There was something about her today, that made him feel tingly, like something was about to happen, and he wasn't sure whether it was good or bad.

She hunched her shoulders over the note and turned her head back to take a long look at him.

He flashed her an infamous grin.

She smiled and bent over the letter, her long hair covering her face.

The note was passed back to him.

He was about to unfold it, when a shadow loomed over his desk. He looked up to see his teacher, Mrs. Kinosuke glowering at him.

"I think I'll keep this, Mr. Uesugi." she said, taking the note from him.

"I used to like you." he said piteously.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing." Tatsuha replied quickly. A few students snickered.

She put the note in her pocket and walked back to her desk, after giving him what was unmistakably a small smile.

"Class dismissed." She called over her shoulder.

Yuri ran up to him and kissed him like they hadn't met in years.

"Get a room!" someone called out.

Someone else laughed and made a comment.

Tatsuha didn't care. For the moment, she was his, and that was all that mattered.

--

Yuki rolled over on the bed, knocking the ringing telephone. It fell silent, finally. It had been ringing almost nonstop for the past half an hour.

It was midday, he was bored, and he wanted to sleep.

Ayaka had disappeared off somewhere without a word, the television was gay, and there was absolutely nothing to do. It was freezing outside.

On a whim, he felt like going out to make a snowman. Or something. Cold would get rid of his sleepiness.

He put on his coat and opened the door. A white envelope with a small crimson heart at a corner lay on the floor.

He bent down and picked it up. It was addressed to Shuichi, in his handwriting.

The cold wind blew into his house. Shivering and all sleep wiped from his eyes, he closed the door and sat on the sofa, tearing the letter open. He didn't want to pass it to the pink-haired-boy before scanning its contents. It might have contained a little "I love you' or a sappy romantic love letter.

And he was partially right.

It was full of brochures, beautiful photos of a beach. Okinawa.

A small note fell into his hand.

_**Shuichi,**_

_**Will you go with me?**_

_**Love you always,**_

_**Yuki**_

He stared at the note for a long time, the clock ticking loudly from the bedroom. He felt an unexplainable pain in his heart and he closed his hand over the note.

Suddenly, the door clicked and opened. Ayaka came in, wiping her boots on the mat. She looked fresh and pretty.

Quickly, Yuki slipped everything between two pillows. He didn't know why, why he had to hide it from her, but it was his first instinct.

If Ayaka noticed, she never said a word.

"Hey, you wanna go outside?" she asked, reaching for his arm. "It's snowing again."

"Alright." He stood and followed her out the door, holding hands, when the phone rang again.

"I'll get it." he told her, kicking off his shoes again and running to the bedroom.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Eiri Uesugi?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Speaking. May I help you?"

"This is the Lovestyle Traveling Agency, I would like to reconfirm the booking you have made for the trip to Okinawa. It is exactly a month from now, and we want to make sure you are confirmed. There will be no refunds after today."

"Can I-" he began, then hesitated. "It's all been paid for?"

"Yes. The full sum."

Yuki could hear Ayaka moving about at the front of the apartment.

"Alright then. Tell them…to expect me there." He said finally.

"Thank you. Nice doing business with you, sir. I hope you'll enjoy your stay."

"Me too." Yuki muttered under his breath after putting down the phone. "I really hope so too."

He found Ayaka not at the front door, but kneeling beside a child and a life-sized snowman. She waved cheerily at him but didn't stand up.

Yuki sat on a nearby bench, his hands in his pockets. He wanted to tell her about the trip, and how much fun they would have there. He wanted to see her smile and he wanted her to kiss him, but in another way, he didn't want any of those things at all.

He sat on the bench, looked up at the sky, caught snowflakes with his tongue and wished he knew what to do.

--

Ryuichi staggered into the kitchen, his head throbbing. Shakily, he reached for a bottle of pills on the highest shelf, where Shuichi would never notice them.

Downing two at once, he sank to the floor, clutching the glass in his hands.

"I know I shouldn't go out." he whispered to himself.

He pulled himself to his feet and washed the glass.

He knew, but he was going anyway.

--

Tatsuha stood at the bridge, waiting for Ryuichi to show up. He was unnaturally late, and it was freezing cold out in the snow.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Yuri asked, popping up behind him.

"Oh hey, Yuri. I'm waiting for a friend. I think he's late."

"You want company?" she asked, grabbing his hand.

Tatsuha didn't know how to reply. If Ryuichi came up and saw them together, he didn't know what to say.

"Let's go down there, then." He suggested, pointing down to a comfy place beneath the bridge where many couples stood. From there he could have a clear view of the spot he was supposed to be meeting Ryuichi, but Ryuichi wouldn't be able to see him and Yuri.

She sat on the rail beneath the bridge, hooking her legs around him.

"I love you, Tatsuha." She whispered into his ear. Her breath was warm. "Tell me what I want to hear."

Tatsuha kissed her as passionately as he could, hoping it would cover for the words he could not say.

--

Tatsuha sank into the armchair nearest to the door, throwing his jacket on the table. Ryuichi hadn't shown up, although Tatsuha had waited an hour even after Yuri had left.

On the sofa opposite him, his brother was lying with his eyes open, merely staring blankly at the ceiling. He did not acknowledge Tatsuha's presence the least.

Growing up with Yuki, he knew how to read his brother. He could tell immediately Yuki was troubled, but he was in no mood to talk.

His cell phone beeped.

He picked it up then dropped it as though burnt.

Yuki turned around and reached for the phone.

"Don't touch it!" Tatsuha hissed, trembling.

_**I saw you**_,Yuki read_**. Don't bother calling me.**_

--

"He'll be fine." the doctor assured them. "He got lucky this time. I advise you to get plenty of rest, Mr. Sakuma."

He left the room, signaling to a nurse walking by the corridor.

Ryuichi sat on the edge of the hospital bed, still feeling pale and shaky. His face was flushed red and he felt weak.

Seeing Tatsuha and the girl together had been too much for him. The entire week's worth of suffering had been endured in an almost cheerful manner just for today. And now-

"Oh-Ryu!" Noriko cried, flinging her arms around him. "Don't ever do that again! You don't know how scared I was, when you…"

He had blindly made his way to Noriko's house, -the nearest, rang the doorbell and collapsed on her doorstep.

"I'm sorry, Noriko-chan. I didn't know what I was thinking." Ryuichi whispered.

"Clearly." Tohma frowned, displeased.

"Take care of yourself, okay, Ryu? I don't want to lose you."

"I will." he promised her.

She kissed him on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Ryu, Tohma."

Tohma nodded as she left, then turned to Ryuichi.

"By the way, Ryuichi. You know I was talking to you about Tatsuha-"

"It's ok, Tohma." Ryuichi said quietly. "I won't talk to him anymore. I'm over him."

-

* * *

I don't know. It's late, I'm a little out of my mind and I hope you liked it. To everyone reading this, thank you for all the reviews, and thanks for sticking by me, this lazy little writer who decides to write only once in an eclipse. I'm sorry, but it might not get any faster, so I'm not saying anything. Thank you for reading! 

Lots of love, Lily.


	11. Psychosocial

**_Psychosocial_**

_  
Who needs another mess, we could start over.  
Just look me in the eyes and say I'm wrong!  
Now there's only emptiness, venomous, insipid  
I think we're done, I'm not the only one!  
_

-

Do you know what I think when I kiss you this way?

Do you know that I've been wishing every night for another choice?

But there is no right answer for this, no one can tell.

Because push comes to shove, this is what I thought:

I'm not ready to lose either of you.

--

"Here." Ryuichi said, plunking the sheets of papers down in front of Tohma. "For the next concert."

He then dropped into the nearest armchair, crossed his arms and bowed his head, letting his now strawberry-blond hair hang across his eyes.

Tohma glanced at his friend for a moment, then decided to leave the singer be. He ran his eyes through the music score, Noriko reading from behind him.

"This is beautiful, Ryuichi." Noriko said. "Not something I was expecting, considering. Great job."

Ryuichi smiled proudly at the girl's praise. He looked up and Tohma was reminded of Ryuichi many years ago.

"I just didn't want to lose you." Tohma murmured to himself, the lyrics of the song tasting like truth on his tongue.

Both his band members glanced over; Noriko scowled the faintest bit. "Huh?"

"Nothing." He replied, his resolve now uncertain. He stood, too quickly, and spun around so the others could not see his expression. "Come on. Let's go over the song."

--

Tatsuha hadn't listened when Ryuichi told him not to call.

He'd called the boy half a dozen times the night before, all to no avail. He was always got to Ryuichi's voicemail, where the boy was bright and cheery: 'Hi, it's Ryuichi! I'm not here right now because electromagnetic fields are bad for me! Leave a message and I'll call you back!'

But he hadn't.

Tatsuha put down his phone, knowing he could have called Ryuichi a dozen more times and still get no answer.

He gazed out the window at the beautiful day outside. The reflective walls of the buildings outside glared light into his eyes, and he stared back at the glistening gold stubbornly until his eyes started to tear.

He had been ignoring his brother since Yuki had picked up his phone for him and read the message. Ignoring his brother's questions, he'd spent the remainder of the day in his room staring at the ceilings and posters on his wall with longing.

Tatsuha had fallen asleep with his cell phone in his hands, only to wake up a couple of hours later and discover he had dreamed Ryuichi had called him back. He spent the rest of the night in restless sleep, waking up every so often to check his phone or punch a pillow as hard as he could.

Tatsuha jumped. His phone WAS ringing. His heart skipped a beat. "Hello?"

"Tatsuha."

Tatsuha tried to fling the phone across the room, but it didn't go far. Instead it landed atop a pile of his pillows, where Yuri's voice drifted clearly across to him on speakerphone.

"Tatsuha? Where are you? Mira-chan's party is tonight, what time are you going?"

Tatsuha sank to the floor, his back against the door.

Mira's present was in his top drawer, wrapped. It was one of Ryuichi's CDs, a limited edition one, one Tatsuha had bought several copies of the day it came out. Mira was a Nittle Grasper fan to the core.

_I mustn't forget. He's got millions of girls out there._

Tatsuha reached for the phone and cut off his girlfriend's voice.

Then he dialed Ryuichi's number again.

--

Yuki lay on the sofa, his feet propped higher than his head. He knew it was an unhealthy position, but he didn't care. The blood could all go back to his head if it wanted and maybe he'd remember what he'd forgotten.

He absently tapped the pen against his head as he looked down at the notebook in his hands.

He had been trying to start on a new book. If his memory didn't come back, he would still need to earn money, and therefore write books.

He glanced towards his brother's closed door, then flipped to the back of the notebook. The letter he had received from Lovestyle Traveling Agency was there, the sparkling beaches calling out to him.

He heard Tatsuha moving about in the next room and put down the notebook.

A second later the door flung open and Tatsuha stood there, wearing his favourite jacket and a clean set of clothes.

"Listen, Eiri. I'm going to Mira's party." He said, a little too forcefully. "Don't expect me home early, alright?"

Yuki nodded mutely, watching as his brother ran out of the house, a whirlwind.

A few seconds later, Ayaka appeared at his doorway looking startled. 'What happened to your brother?" she asked.

She placed two packets of steaming hot noodles on his table, and smiled. "I brought you a snack. It's still your favourite, right?"

Yuki heaved a sigh and watched as she entered his kitchen and took out two bowls and two sets of chopsticks. She didn't wait for a reply, and Yuki wondered why people even bothered asking questions sometimes.

She noticed the notebook and picked it up. "What's this?" she asked curiously, tucking a stray lock of brown hair behind her ear as she bent over it. "May I have a look?"

Yuki nodded, tipping his head upwards to glance at his ceiling as she scanned through the few pages he had written.

Finally, she looked up, her face pink. "Eiri, is this about us?"

Yuki finally smiled, tickled by her blush. "We're perfect." He told her. "Every couple's dream."

Just then, the envelope stuck at the back of the notebook fell out, its contents spilling all over the floor.

"Oh." Ayaka said, looking down at the scattered brochures. "What's this?"

--

"Uesugi-san, stop calling. Leave Ryuichi Sakuma alone. He's done with you."

"Let me talk to him just once."

"Didn't you hear me? He wants nothing more to do with you."

"I need to talk to him-"

"Listen, boy. I feel sorry for you, so I'm telling you this. He's not going to answer your calls. You think he has nothing better to do than talk to sluts like you?"

"…"

"I see you've gotten the idea. By the way, just so you know, he's already replaced you. He's got a _very special_ appointment tonight. She's very pretty, and rich."

"And guess what else? She's female."

Tatsuha slammed the phone down, trembling.

--

Ryuichi gripped the edge of the sink tightly, his face dripping wet with frigid tap water.

Slowly, he looked up, and felt sorry for the pathetic boy in the mirror. He looked drained and wilted, and he wanted to laugh at himself. He was so pale, so colourless.

He bent over suddenly, coughing.

When he pulled up again, there was a smear of blood on his face and his hand was a bright red.

_How's that for colour?_ He asked himself, ducking his face under the faucet once more.

He left the bathroom, testing his voice as he walked back to the studio. The last thing he needed was his voice to fail him. Practice had gone fine the last hour, and to that he was grateful.

He entered the room only to find Tohma standing with his back against the door. Noriko was nowhere in sight.

"What's up?" he asked casually.

Tohma turned; Ryuichi saw that he was holding his phone.

"I like this phone." Tohma said serenely. "What model is it?"

--

_Damn him! He'd better not-_

Tatusha's feet pounded on the sidewalk, searching frantically for the familiar face of Ryuichi Sakuma. He slipped once or twice because fresh snow was falling, and the floor was already wet with it. Scores of people turned to stare at him as he passed; he didn't know whether it was because he was good-looking, or because he was running.

_Damn him!!_

He burst into a clearing after cutting through a park and found himself in front of the building where Nittle Grasper's studio was located.

He was about to go up the front steps when the doors burst open and Ryuichi himself emerged. Tatsuha found himself backtracking until he was covered by a thick clump of bushes.

Tatsuha watched as his one love sat desolately on the steps, looking more forlorn than Tatsuha had ever seen a person. He felt his heart go out to the young man, and wanted to run up to Ryuichi and hug him.

Hope swelled up inside Tatsuha as he realized that Ryuichi couldn't be going out with someone when he clearly still wasn't over Tatsuha.

Tatsuha made to step out of the trees, but suddenly froze. Ryuichi had taken out a tiny bottle and was opening it desperately, as though dying for what was inside it.

_No._

Tatsuha watched on in horror. When he was five or six, a drug addict had picked him up and drooled all over him, muttering obscenities. Tatsuha had loathed and feared drug addicts with all his heart after that day.

But here Ryuichi was-

Tatsuha didn't know why, but he whipped out his cellphone and took a couple of photographs.

Ryuichi put the pill in his mouth just as Tatsuha turned around and bolted away, horrorstruck.

--

Ryuichi sat on the edge of the steps, the pill still on the edge of his tongue.

He sat there a moment longer, then spit it out.

He pulled the bottle out of his pocket and stared at it. 'For the pain', the doctor had labeled it.

Ryuichi shook his head slowly. It wouldn't help the pain. Everyone was a liar. Everyone lied.

He uncapped the bottle and emptied the contents onto the fresh white snow in a clump of bushes.

The sky overhead was darkening to a greyish purple, creeping in from the corners like a stain on cloth. His shadow was lengthening on the steps, reminding Ryuichi that he had someone to meet.

Ryuichi stood and headed back into the building, putting the empty bottle back into his pocket.

_Let's see if this balances out the pain,_ he thought.

--

The architecture of the city Tatsuha lived in was simple yet gorgeous. Currently, Tatsuha was passing through a park. An ancient arch stretched out above his head like a tangible piece of the sky, it's wooden frame carved with intricate designs of clouds. Whoever had built the arch had not taken the time to consider how the arch's location was not particularly strategic; it blocked off the entrance to several shops, forcing people to go a big round before entering Jin's Herb Haven or Magical Trout.

However, all this Tatsuha did not pay attention to as he slowed his pace to a walk, glancing around at the stalls and shops selling little trinkets and snacks.

Tatsuha wasn't thinking logically.

His first thought was to go to Mira's party after all, and to make out with Yuri the entire night. Those were his second and third thoughts too, with the location around them changing.

Next, Tatsuha planned how to get her to forgive him, and stopped by a florist's to get a bouquet of flowers for her.

As Tatsuha stood inside the shop, he felt slightly calmed by the aroma of all the flowers around him. Most of the flowers were preserved for almost nothing grew during winter.

He was just very rationally running through a list of winter flowers in his head when the doorbell jingled and Ryuichi walked in.

Tatsuha pressed himself in between the nearest tree and the wall, the pine leaves tickling his nose and scratching his hands.

Ryuichi picked out a bouquet of flowers, his hands unsteady.

_Yeah well,_ Tatsuha thought coldly. _Drugs do that to a person. Didn't you know, Sakuma-san?_

Tatsuha shifted behind the trees, fumbling for his cell phone.

Overwrought with the burning feeling of finally knowing what to do, he opened the picture of Ryuichi and the bottle of pills, and spammed it out to half his phonebook.

_I hope you enjoy your date,_ Tatsuha thought with vindictive satisfaction, slipping unnoticed out the door.

"Watch out!" Someone shouted the moment he left the shop.

Tatsuha stepped to his left just as a large tree branch crashed into the ground about an inch away. Several children screamed; and one began to cy.

Tatsuha looked up at the arch above him for the first time, and smiled.

_The sky can fall,_ he thought. _But not on me_.

He laughed, startling the people around him. One of the mothers started to approach him, so he quickly turned and dashed away, believing that perhaps he was better off than he originally thought.

After all, revenge is sweet.

--

Tatsuha slammed the door shut behind him, ignoring his brother once again. Yuki opened the door once more and leaned against the doorframe.

"You're back early." Yuki commented.

"I forgot her present, alright?" Tatsuha snapped, watching with satisfaction as his brother jerked back reflectively. He pulled the CD out of his drawer and tossed it on his bed. He looked around the room angrily, tears clouding his vision.

Yuki didn't say anything but crossed his arms across his chest, watching as Tatsuha overturned all his belongings, throwing them all over the room.

"Damnit!" Tatsuha shouted, his voice shattering the silence of the cold night. He slammed his fist against the wall and bits of plaster fell from the ceiling.

Tatsuha glanced at the wall, and narrowed his eyes at the wall practically papered in posters.

Shaking visibly, Tatsuha turned to Yuki. "Remember how you kept asking me to redo my wall? Well, watch me." He turned back to the wall.

"You're going to love this."

--

She was as beautiful as she had been the last time he'd seen her, which had been more than five years ago.

Her hair looked wonderful twisted up into an elegant knot at the back of her head, and when Ryuichi first saw her outside the restaurant he had wondered who she was waiting for.

But looks didn't matter in their relationship, and Ryuichi knew it. She still knew everything about him, and he her.

"I can't believe we're here. It's been so long."

"I know." Ryuichi murmured. He looked down at her hand and noticed that she was wearing the diamond bracelet he had gotten for her when he'd successfully sold his first album.

He turned his attention back to his drink, studying her subtly as he took another sip. Being with her made him feel like there were no more problems in his world.

"I love you." He murmured, his voice faint.

She touched his hand.

"I love you too, Ryu."

--

Tatsuha arrived at the party late, but as he had expected, his presence was welcomed warmly. He swept Yuri up in a kiss, passing his gift to Mira.

"Oh, Tatsuha." Mira gushed, opening the box. "You shouldn't have." Her eyes scanned the box's contents with overflowing joy as she tiptoed and gave Tatsuha a kiss on the cheek.

Tatsuha had given her every Nittle Grasper-related item he had ever owned.

--

'You're on the news."

"So what? I always am." Ryuichi said, turning his head nonetheless.

"This is seven o' clock news. They don't just put anything on it." She pointed out. She snapped her fingers and requested for the tv's volume to be turned up.

The other to waitresses in their private room with them turned their heads to the screen to watch too.

"We have received this photo from an unknown number who's never subscribed to us before. However, this is interesting news indeed, people!" the female reporter announced.

As the woman recited the all-too-familiar number on the television, a photograph was placed on the screen. For a moment, Ryuichi didn't understand it, but opposite him, a fork fell to the floor with a clatter.

"Ryu, do you have something you want to tell me?" she asked, disappointment clouding her pretty features.

Ryuichi's thoughts were whirling, he couldn't understand how it all had happened, everything made no sense. He didn't know why suddenly his world was falling apart in to tiny fragments, pieces so small they could not be put back together.

He reached for her like he used to when he was small and she could protect him, grasping both her hands tightly.

"Mom," he confessed, his throat burning. And the first time he'd ever said it to anyone apart from himself, he continued, "I'm dying."

-

* * *

Oh goodness. I got a review yesterday in my mail from someone who seemed to really like the story. I was like "hmm. Let me see what this is all about." So I re-read the story and I pretty liked it. I was a lot better then than I am now. sighs and then, I got to chapter ten, and I was dying to read the next chapter. Which I hadn't written yet. So here I am.

Unfortunately, I now suck from lack of practice and the sensibility than grown people have. Also, I've forgotten what I wanted to do with some parts of the story.

But I'll work on it! Thanks for reading! Review, please?


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